Quick facts
Occupation: Tinkerer and inventor; seller of “oddities, trinkets, odds and ends, bits and bobs” · Party: The FAM (founder of the name) · Raised by: the Warhorde Clan · Adoptive father: Grommash Crushmore · Birth father: Goric of Coghaven · Partner: Bulma Briefs · Status: Alive; killed in Session 29 and brought back in Session 32 (as of C2 Session 83)
Wilbur Crushmore is an inventor raised by a half-orc clan who sells his gadgets from a market stall on the Saline Coast. He gave The FAM its name, has died once, and turned out to be the lost son of a fighter in Coghaven’s gnome resistance.
Overview
Wilbur is quirky, generous and impulsive. He makes metal flowers that never die, toy “lightswords” that make a copyrighted sound, smoke-and-noise balls, light pebbles and a growing arsenal of guns (see Wilbur’s Inventions). He travels with a homunculus servant and a bag of holding. His family once called him “Wimpy Wilbur” and dismissed his tinkering as a useless talent. Over the campaign he becomes the party’s organizer and, as Nelda put it, something close to its dad.
History
The smoke bomb conspiracy (Sessions 1–13)
Wilbur first appears selling a custom smoke-and-noise “Scarecrow” ball meant to scare birds. He helped Kip with his turnips, warned him about the “bad clans” that will “steal everything you got,” and showed off his inventions. Days later, one of his smoke devices was hurled at Cedric Lightharbor’s speech in an apparent assassination attempt, and his shop was broken into. The Catman suspected him at first.
After the party beat the arsonists Yorn and Yagra, Wilbur offered Yorn “gold or steel.” Yorn chose steel, and Wilbur’s attempt at a quick, merciful kill went terribly wrong. Questioned by Captain Stormshield, Wilbur panicked and spilled everything, including the name “Tobias B.” from his sales ledger, which led to the arrest of Tobias Bigsby. At the armory he got a fair price for a cloak only after reminding the clerk how flammable her shop was. A fortune teller at the masquerade drew him the Fool, the Lightning-Struck Tower and the Crescent Moon: a new journey, a coming crisis and people who would lead him astray. A mystery potion gave him the power to fly.
Eldon Reed invited Wilbur to poker, accused him of killing his men, offered him a partnership and, when Wilbur refused, threatened his “Warhorde clan.” In the prison fight Wilbur flew at a guard. He then broke into Salt Spun Manor alone and found Mayor Windrider being poisoned by Orin Coppercoin and Lyla Brightspark. He stuffed the mayor in his bag of holding, set the room on fire and flew out the window until his flight gave out and dropped him in a field. He bought an old donkey, Steve, and a cart from a farmer named Eugene for 20 gold, bribed his way past the guards and brought the mayor to the Mercenary’s Rest. During the guard search he disguised himself as an old halfling woman. At his stall he found a knife-pinned threat against his family and considered leaving for his friends’ sake, but they stuck together.
The Bloodhowler (Sessions 14–20)
Fearing for his family, Wilbur pushed the group to travel faster. He impulsively promised the goblin Squeebles to avenge his tribe in exchange for part of a device. At The Last Drop he recognized the disguised Eldon, who swore, “I’ll make sure they remember you, Wilbur. Every last scream,” and Wilbur attacked him. Eldon nearly killed him, but Wilbur struck him across the face with his laser pistol from a distance.
At the Warhorde camp his father, Grommash Crushmore, revealed that Eldon was his banished brother, Eldon Crushmore. The clan finally called on Wilbur’s “useless talent” to build defenses. In the battle Wilbur blew Eldon off a watchtower with thunderwave and then killed his uncle with a final laser shot as he tried to flee. Grommash renounced the name “Wimpy Wilbur,” renamed him “Regular Wilbur,” and offered him leadership of the clan. Wilbur declined, saying he was on his own path. He also revealed he had once played in a band called “My Chemical Nomance” with his brother. His adoptive mother embarrassed him by bringing out his childhood blanket.
The Fellowship (Sessions 25–32)
In the Saline Coast Sewers, Wilbur misty-stepped past the Rusty Anchor’s owner, Harlan, and shoved him down the stairs. He printed 500 flyers exposing Tobias Blackwood and signed them “The Fellowship Against the Machine,” giving the party its name. Before the closing festival he organized the watches and gave Kip a hand-carved turnip ring.
When Stormshield accused him of baseless accusations, Wilbur hinted at a blemish on the captain’s record involving a child’s death. An invisible attacker then stabbed him with a poisoned blade. Wilbur recognized the voice as Tobias Blackwood, the man who had commissioned the smoke bomb, and died. His last thoughts were regret over whether his inventions had done more good or harm, memories of childhood play-fights and hope that his friends would use what he made for good. His homunculus activated a “death protocol” and showed the FAM his farewell letters.
In The In-Between he was drawn to a tower lit by green flames, where Eldon Reed waited. Eldon had cursed his own killer to be brought there on death, so he could steal their tether back to the living world. The FAM followed and broke the ritual, and Wilbur returned. Afterward he described the experience as terrifying and immediate, with no peaceful afterlife, and he developed a sudden obsession with hibachi.
At sea (Sessions 34–48)
Wilbur got an unhelpful reading from a fortune teller named Miss Vera, declared their new plan a boat heist and forged the papers that signed Kellem Stormforge’s ship over to the party. He had Nelda play a mini concert for the crew while he set off fireworks. He bottled some of Ellery’s aboleth bathwater for study. In Bellyport he got very drunk, talked to a coat rack, tried to call his ex and was held like a baby by Ellery while he processed his death. In two truths and a lie he said “dying wasn’t that bad.” He signed the party up for Breadstock as “The FAM Band.” In the crypt beneath the morgue he shot open the lock and dropped the undead Tobias Blackwood with two shots in the back.
Green Hollow and the Judge (Sessions 50–58)
Wilbur knocked out the transformed Kale with a final shot. He drew a weapon at the Farmer’s Hoe, fell into a pit trap in the Temple of Cyrollellee and solved the numerical cipher that opened Kip’s cell. For the Judge Vellum job he disguised himself as the cultist Pella while Escher made the kill. He went with Kip and Alana to Veshka Knoteater’s cave.
The Underdark, North City and Coghaven (Sessions 59–80)
In The Underdark, The Whisper led Wilbur to a ridge over a glowing gnome city. There he found a soot-covered metal flower that set off visions of his father and a childhood in a city on fire, ending with a call to be a “Savior of the Broken, the Beaten and the Damned.”
In North City, Bulma Briefs slipped him a note inviting him on a date. Over dinner at the Cackler Barrel she gave him a shock pistol and he gave her a magically forged rose, before the assassin Scorch killed Will Jr. in the hallway and Wilbur called in the party by sending stone. Bulma later gave him a capsule case of tactical tools. At the Cell Games he talked about the ethics of her fortune, half-proposed that they marry and give a share of their wealth to charity, and asked if their ship could become an airship. He talked fatherhood with Reginald, warned Bulma off VTC deals, and told the FAM at Chili’s that he had been seeing Bulma for four days. When the party left the city he called to apologize and ended with “love you.”
Wilbur pulled the Asset Songbird tracker from Nelda’s curls and reverse-engineered it well enough to build his own. At the toll-dragon’s waterfall he cast warding bond on Kip, said he believed in him and ran away. In Coghaven he gave the city liaison one of his metal flowers, not knowing it was the emblem of the Black Parade resistance. The rebels told him he was Goric’s boy. Goric had been captured on that raid, taken to the forge, and ended up in Dr. Wheelo’s vats (the shriveled gnome the party later found in a vat labeled “expired”), and Gen Way, Goric’s sister, was Wilbur’s aunt. Wilbur heard a voice and felt a phantom hand on his shoulder urging him to take back the city, rallied the room, and crowd-surfed straight onto the floor. He slammed the Chancellor’s vault door shut, stuffed the one-legged Chancellor Fenwick Ansible into his bag of holding (where he remains), salvaged parts that let his pistol cast slow, and hasted Ellery against Dr. Wheelo because “this fight was important for her.”
When Coghaven was free, Wilbur declared its independence day and told the gnomes the Black Parade carries on. Gen shoved him aside and told the crowd that “this idiot and his friends” had taken advantage of a distraction that cost the Black Parade nearly all of their lives. Later she told him Goric had loved him very much and had known him as Cedric, a family name. Wilbur gave 500 gold toward rebuilding and stepped aboard the first airship not powered by magic.
The gallows (Sessions 81–83)
Wilbur grilled Cabba about his intentions toward Ellery. He thanked Bran for everything and told Nelda she had become the heart of the FAM, giving her a gift to keep her protected. At the gallows Khalor’s breath sapped his strength and his Dream Harvest left him heavy with lethargy. He sent a tiny mechanical bee into the dragon’s face to break his concentration. When Daask Bruiser stood over Nelda, Wilbur put his gun to the gnoll’s face, told him “you’re smaller than I will ever be,” and shot him, then told Nelda they wouldn’t tolerate what had been done to her.
Relationships
- Kip: His first friend in the city.
- Nelda Valedriss: “I love you, Dad. I mean, Wilbur.”
- Bulma Briefs: His girlfriend.
- Grommash Crushmore and the Warhorde Clan: The family that raised him.
- Goric and Gen Way: His birth father and his aunt.
- Eldon Reed: His adoptive uncle, whom he killed and who killed him back, in a way.
Notable quotes
- “I’ll make sure they remember you, Wilbur. Every last scream.” (Eldon Reed, to Wilbur)
- “Dying wasn’t that bad.”
- “You’re smaller than I will ever be.” (to Daask Bruiser)
Appears in
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